My First Resume

So I wrote my first resume the other day. Back in the late 70's I did attend college.....sometimes....spent most of the the time at the Grove or the Brothers II. After two years of college they told me I needed to go another year and I told them, hey, you're a two year college. So we parted as friends. I started my working career with New York State. After a few years I moved on to the Federal Government with a job in the Postal Service. Now at age fifty something and it's something low. I find myself looking for work.

I attended a resume writing workshop and found it to be of no help at all for my situation. In twenty five years with the Post Office I acquired zero skills, or at least zero skills to find another job. Even if I had skills I don't want to work for another Post Office, you never know maybe Canada is hiring. So I sat down at my trusty computer and fired off my first resume. It looked something like this.

Employment History

1985 - 2011 United States Postal Service

Skills: ability to read letters upside down

Able to follow directions from unqualified supervisors

Can swallow anger as not to shoot any co workers

That was as far as I could go. I thought the one about not shooting people was pretty good but the woman at the workshop disagreed. I was going to have to become very creative.

Employment History

1985 - 2011 U. S. Government

Skills: ability toXXXXXXXX

Able to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Can XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not creative enough. I have to work harder on my creative writing. So it came down to focusing on my volunteer history over the last twenty five years, anybody looking for a Hibernian girls under 12 soccer coach? With one season of little league experience.

I better practice this line, "Would you like fries with your order?".

One minute twenty of this clip could be me. Sid is not the only one with a plan.